You and Me

You appreciate the way I light your world but do you know with each gleam, I burn a little?

You value the sacrifices I made for ‘us’, but do you realize with every sacrifice I die a little?

You respect the way I cut myself out to fit perfectly in your world, but do you realize with every alteration I lose myself a little?

And yet, I am here, ready to burn, die and lose myself, because I know you will do the same for me. It leads ‘you and me’ to the ‘us’ and that’s what matters the most.

-Anjum Awasthi Malik

Let me be a little imperfect, being perfect is boring.

Dedicated to all the imperfectly perfect people 😊

…..

Let me be a little imperfect,
being perfect is boring.

I have often seen tears
behind those perfect smiles.
Let me cry out loud,
even if it makes me look less adoring.
Let me be a little imperfect,
being perfect is boring.

I don’t wanna pretend
I have every goddamn solution.
Let me act dumb sometimes
and be a bit exploring.
Let me be a little imperfect,
being perfect is boring.

Anyway, who likes days to be
all sunny or cloudy?
A little bit of both
seems more rip-roaring.
Let me be a little imperfect,
being perfect is boring.
-Anjum Awasthi Malik

I will be there one day but at my own pace.

Dedicated to all those who find success in satisfaction 🙂
………
I know the road is tough,
I know I’m not fast enough,
I know the world is not kind,
I know I’ll be left behind,
But who said
I am in this race,
I will be there one day
but at my own pace.

In this world of ‘instant’
They say I am crawling,
Everyone is upping so fast
That I may seem like falling,
But trust me,
that’s not the case
I will be there one day
but at my own pace.

My aim is not only
to touch the finish line.
I will rather enjoy the journey,
taking my own time.
I will clap for those
who are ahead of me.
I will give my hand to those
who are left behind.
Why be so competitive
when the ultimate destination is the same?
Earning a heart is way alluring
than money, power and fame.
At the end, the only thing
that matters is a smiling face.
I will be there one day
but at my own pace.
-Anjum Awasthi Malik

Excerpt from The Day He Was Gone.

Screenshot_20180929-094721~2

“Stop, Reeva. Running is not the solution.”
Suddenly, she halted in her tracks. She knew this voice. After humiliating her at the restaurant, the man had the audacity to come after her! She started walking again, pacing faster still.
“I am not searching for a solution, dammit! I am running away from you. Just leave me alone,” she yelled, striding away from him. Why had this man come into her life? She had somehow gathered her shattered life over these past years, and this man had stirred up everything in a moment. Resentment started building up inside her like a speeding freight train.

He ran after her and caught her by the arm. Without thinking twice, Reeva slapped him so hard that she felt the burn sting her hand too. He looked at her dumbfounded. Without giving him a chance to speak, Reeva pushed him frantically, making him stumble a few steps back.
“Just go away. Go far away from my life. I don’t want you. I know why you have come into my life and I will never let you affect me, even if I have to fight you for it,” Reeva yelled.
“You want to fight me? Come on. Come and fight with me,” Agnivesh said, flexing two of his fingers in invitation. Surprisingly, she took the challenge. She was mad at him, mad at her parents and above all, mad at herself. She threw her bag on the road and strode ahead to push him once again, but this time, he didn’t budge. She shoved both her arms against his chest as forcefully as she could, and as she did it, she felt as if a heavy weight was being lifted off her chest. It was a relief. Suddenly, Agnivesh grabbed both of her arms and pinned them behind her back. She wriggled against his firm hold, but he was too powerful compared to her. She looked up at him in surprise, still squirming under his grip.
She hadn’t expected him to fight back, but the fact that he did, made her feel even more empowered somehow. He locked his gaze with her, and she felt the grip of his hands on her wrists loosening a little. She took the opportunity and freed her hands, jerking them out of his hold and hitting his groin at the same time with her knee. He stumbled back and grimaced in pain.
She suddenly felt concerned about his well-being. She walked up to him and asked, “Are you okay?”
He caught her by her wrist again and pinned it against her back. With his free hand, he grabbed her other arm and pushed her back until she was trapped against the wall. Everything happened so fast that she couldn’t do anything.
He pinned her legs with his knees so that she couldn’t attack him there again. She used all her energy to get out of his grip, but he was too strong for her. Soon, she gave up and helplessness started clouding her face. Agnivesh brought his mouth close to her and whispered against her lips, “I am sorry.” She tilted her head slightly away to get a clearer view of Agnivesh’s expressions. She wanted to understand whether he really meant that or if it was another ruse.
“I am sorry for my behavior today, Reeva. I have my own experiences that colour my perception of relationships a certain way, but that doesn’t justify my behavior. I can’t foist my viewpoint on you.” He loosened his grip a little, but Reeva didn’t push him away. She felt emotionally wrecked and started sobbing soon, resting her forehead against his chest. He released her hands and she supported herself by holding his arms.
“It’s going to be okay,” Agnivesh whispered in her ear soothingly to calm her down.

“I am tired of running. I am tired of having to fight with everyone. I am tired of fighting with my own self. I can’t help myself anymore. I have ruined the lives of everyone around me. I will ruin yours too. You should be scared of me,” she blubbered. She didn’t even realize until the words had escaped her lips that she was giving him a part of herself by sharing her demons with him. She had never let herself break down emotionally in front of anyone. Why was she letting him in? Why did she find solace in his embrace? Agnivesh caressed her back and let her cry her heart out without prodding further.
“The next time you feel like running, run to me. The next time you feel like fighting, fight me. When you feel that you can’t help yourself, just let me help you. Let me be a part of your life, Reeva. There is a good possibility that we both will ruin each other, but in some relationships, ruining is the only way to fix one another. And we won’t know it until we try,” Agnivesh whispered softly into her ear, caressing her back incessantly. Reeva started melting under the warmth of his words. A part of her wanted to trust him. She wanted to believe in his idea of fixing each other. And at that moment, she felt hopeful.

.

BLURB:

Reeva Panchal has had a traumatising past, but she is trying to build up her life again from scratch with her skill in art. When she receives a surprise marriage proposal from the wealthy hotelier Agnivesh Solanki, she can’t help but feel odd about it even though her parents are insistent that she agrees to it. With Agnivesh’s entry into her life, all her problems seem to alleviate at an unrealistic pace, even though Agnivesh continues to exude a dark aura for her. What unfolds is a series of unprecedented events where relations are broken, mistakes are made and the past is dug up to destroy as well as heal.

.

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PROLOGUE- The Twist of Fate

TwistOfFate_Anjum_Final_1

Not bothering to wait for the elevator, I started climbing up the stairs of my office. The upheaval going in my mind had affected me to such an extent that I didn’t even bother to return the greetings of my colleagues on the way to my cubicle.

“Are you okay?” asked Ankita, peering from the cubicle diagonally opposite to mine as I dropped my handbag on my table.

“Yeah,” I lied, because at this moment I was anything but all right.

“Well, all the best for your first presentation,” she smiled before resuming to type on her laptop.

My first presentation…

This was the last thing on my mind at the moment. Life is erratic and the most unpredictable thing. It never goes the way we plan. It was still hard to believe that it had taken just a week for my life to shatter to bits.

Why me? Dammit, why me?

I had always embraced whatever life offered me with my arms wide open and I was content with what I had. However, it wasn’t like my life was all bed of roses; I had had my own share of miseries and maybe that was the reason I wasn’t ready to accept what was now happening in my life. I had always been possessive when it came to my things, perhaps this was the reason why I found myself teetering on the brink of an abyss. It was something I just couldn’t let go, period.

I felt my legs wobbling and hands trembling as I pulled my phone out of my handbag. I knew that nothing could recuperate my condition until I got to know what was going on in his life, for which it was important to talk to Dev—his roommate. He was the only person I could rely on at this moment. I called Dev with a gaggle of queries hovering in my mind. He rejected my call. I called him again and just as the last attempt, he cut my call off in first ring. Now why the hell was he avoiding me? Why was everyone around me on a mission to test my patience? I was stopped short from calling again when his message popped in: I’m in a meeting. Will call you shortly.

My presentation with my manager was due over the next hour. I prayed for Dev to call me before that, dreading the restlessness which otherwise threatened to mess with my concentration over my first presentation. I kept my phone aside and waited for his call. Why does it happen that a few seconds seem like an eternity when you are frenziedly waiting for something to happen? I kept checking my phone every few seconds, but nothing appeared on my notification bar. It was getting hard to curb the urge to call him again, but I restrained myself…somehow, as I didn’t want to come across as some frantic girlfriend stalking her boyfriend.

It had been fifty-one minutes since his message had popped in, but still I didn’t get any call from him. Clenching my phone in hand, I made my way to the washroom. I felt a certain heaviness in my chest and dryness in my sleep- deprived eyes. As I entered the freshly cleaned washroom, the smell of disinfectant made me nauseous. Covering my nose and mouth, I stood in front of the washbasin. The pale, fragile and sullen reflection that I saw in the huge mirror mounted on the wall in front of me, looked anything but me.

If just two week ago, when I first came here, someone had told me that my image in the mirror would look like this, I would never have believed them.

“Why are you doing this to me?” my aching heart asked, hoping for it to reach him.

“Why are you letting him do this to you?” my subconscious snarled, pointing back at me. And I stood there… numb, as a silent tear peeped over the brim of my eye.

 

ख्वाहिशें

ख्वाहिशें पासबान थी इस दिल-ए-मुज़्तर की,

जैसे ही रुखसत किया, सैलाब-ए-जज़्बात उमड़ पड़ा…

-Anjum Awasthi Malik
#पासबान- guard
#दिल-ए-मुज़्तर- restless heart

You may also follow my writings (quotes, poems, shayari and details about my upcoming novel) on Instagram @anjumawasthi

Like my Facebook page for more details:

m.facebook.com/anjum.a.malik

 

My Wings

After cutting my wings,
They tought me to fly.
I buckled down,
Because my dreams were high.
I jumped elatedly
looking up at the sky.
When my feet
couldn’t leave the earth.
I started believing
It was me who wasn’t worth.
How could i have flown
Without my wings.
And i gave up,
Thinking it wasn’t my thing…

 

-Anjum Awasthi Malik

क्या है आज…

क्या है आज कोई हमें भी बता दे

क्यूं जगा है वो जो अकरस सोया करता था

मुद्दत हो गई उसके चहरे पर मुस्कान दिखे

क्यूं हंसा है वो जो अकसर रोया करता था

क्यूं लफ्ज़ो मे शहद घुला है उसके

नफरत के बीज़ जो अकसर बोया करता था

 

– अंजुम अवस्थी मलिक

इन्तज़ार-ए-मौहब्बत

कुछ लफ्ज़ थे निगाहों में
जो कैद थे पलकों की पनाहों में
हम मुन्ताज़िर थे कहने को #मुन्ताज़िर-eager
वह ख्वाबीदा थे सुनने को #ख्वाबीदा-dreamy
कयामत से
उस इक कुर्बत का इंतज़ार था#कुर्बत-closeness
लकीरों पर तो नही
पर इश्क पर इतबार था
यह इन्तज़ार-ए-मौहब्बत भी
इक इनायत है # इनायत- blessing
मौहब्बत-ए-वाबस्ता # related to love
यह भी इक रिवायत है।. #रिवायत-tradition

 

-Anjum Awasthi Malik

ये जलधारा क्या कहती है !

From My Pen

मेरी कलम से……

कल कल करती ये बहती हैं,
अपनी धुन में ही रहती हैं,
आज सुनो और जानो कि
ये जलधारा क्या कहती है !

“उच्च शिखर से निकली थी
मैं स्वच्छता और निर्मलता के संग ,
उपत्यकाओं से गुजरती                उपत्यकाओं-valleys
सहलाती प्राकृतिक योवन के रंग,
तुमने मुझको सम्मान दिया
गंगा यमुना सा पावन नाम दिया,
उस क्षण मैंने भी अभिमान किया
स्मित कर आगे प्रस्थान किया!        स्मित-smile

पर छिन्न हुआ वह भ्रम मेरा
जिस पल तुमने मुझे स्पर्श किया
विषाक्त किया मेरे तन को,              विषाक्त-toxic
मेरी पावनता को नष्ट किया,
पश्चाताप के अश्रु रोयेगा
ऐ मानव मैं कहती हूं,
रुकना मेरा आचरण नही
शोलाकुल आगे बहती हूं।                  शोलाकुल-sad

विभोर हुआ मन मेरा ये
जब उस नन्ही देह को मैंने उठाया था,
पर थी वो…

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